Eat your friends toast, and your enemies toaster
a quote i just heard
Doesn’t bono scream out a line like hey fuck homeless people? You don’t need sunglasses in england. You need them in africa.
I had a dream that my mom took me to see system of a down, and parliament funkadelic was opening for them but it was a super small venue.
Hummingbirds fly too hard, they can’t land. Thy’re vicious have you ever had one stare you in the eyes? These girls that i’m at the diner with are gold
Dogfish head is horrible
I just found a six pack of dogfish head sixty minute next to the sidewalk.
what's that smell?
Timmy tried to cook a turkey in the dishwasher!
I’m about to make my 90th turkey sandwich
So the first time i go to a strip joint is to pick up my friends girl
Never got to call 911 before. Didn’t think i’d have to do it at thanksgiving dinner…
i laughed at this i’ve been drinking since 1 pm is and eating food though so you know, who knows
i may have to sleep all day.
People think you’re weird when you brush your teeth in public bathrooms.
omfg this is awesome
saturday turkey thon 07
How many 7 year olds can we bus in for this?
I’m thinking i may shave this shit off my face and just have the sideburns to mustache thing for a bit.
I love when people call me because they think something is wrong citing that i’m never online anymore. I’m just invisible on aim, i’m online like all day. Ps i have comments now yay
cash cab. people from kentucky.
Q: this peace protection organization from star wars had ranks such as knight and padawan. A: uh space invaders?
I wonder if my prof seeing me outside the building and then for a second in the classroom will count as me being in class today.
uncalled for procrastination. and i find textlimit
I don’t know why i sat at my computer from ten til two thirty not doing the assignment that i had. When i finally looked at it, it took thirteen minutes. I knew it would be quick and easy but i just felt like putting it off. Same thing with my laundry. It needed to be done like last weekend and it still isn’t. I can do it for free at a friends house but i just don’t. I’m...
Costume — jakeandamir lol
I dreamed that my friend andrew and i won a contest to go hang out with jeremy clarkson. We just kinda chilled and talked to him and we raced road construction equipment around an indoor mini track.
A local pizza delivery man revealed to us that he was in the world trade centers (yes both at the same time) fucking 2 german chicks (one in each tower) on 9-11 and the government got him out just before the planes hit.
I like to think that the term “bandwagon” actually comes from thadius j bandwagon. A guy from the 1830’s that was so influential that whatever he did was copied by all those around him.
You’d have to be really stressed out to kill someone with one of these stress balls. Just throwin that out there, it would probably really help with the stress.
The only way to top die hard 4 is running over a blimp with a train.
Pound for pound, clown for clown, too many clowns, not enough circuses.
Hey test test and whatnot. This should be mostly updated from my phone with little bits of wisdom i encounter throughout the day. Or random things I make up.